The Three Dirtiest Words on the Forty Acres

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“Texas is back!”

If there are three words you can blame for the Darkest Age of Texas Football (1985-1994*) — besides “Dirty Cheating Aggies” — it’s those three words: “Texas is back!”

As someone who has followed Texas Football since 1983, I unfortunately remember the Darkest Age quite well. During those horrible seasons, I remember many misguided, premature declarations of Texas’ return to glory. After virtually any significant victory (there were a few**) or any positive three week run, fans/players/media immediately declared the Longhorns “back”.

The “Texas is back/Is Texas back?” debate was a staple of every preseason magazine or SWC preview.

The Longhorn football program bought into this nonsense, and the Horns often seemed to spend their time preening in the mirror and debating its own greatness, instead of actually working to get “back”. And that’s likely one key reason the Horns never got over the hump.

Perhaps the silliest example of the “Texas is back!” mindset came after Game 2 of John Mackovic’s second season. On Sept 18, 1992, I watched from Sec 101 of Memorial Stadium as the Horns tied #6 Syracuse 21-21 on a sweltering Austin afternoon. Syracuse was a huge road favorite, and their players and fans entered the game supremely confident. But Texas hung with the Orangemen, forced a couple of interceptions, and then stood on the sideline and prayed as a Syracuse field goal went wide with 8 seconds to play.

This was no ordinary tie; Texas fans on that day were over the moon. I had been to a handful of Texas games over the previous 10 years, and this was the happiest I had ever seen the fans. As thousands of us joyfully made our way down the switchback concrete ramps, one old Texas alum could no longer contain his excitement, and out of nowhere without a shred of irony he belted, “TEXAS IS BACK!” This was met with a huge roar of approval from the crowd. Indeed, Texas is back!

For everyone in burnt orange filtering out of Memorial Stadium, there was plenty of reason to be optimistic. After 13 games at Texas, John Mackovic had his landmark moment. It was a statement “win” over a Top 10 foe from which the program could build. It served notice to the SWC, and to America, that John Mackovic was the right hire. And that Texas…. was BACK.

The next week Texas traveled to Louisville and was completely dismantled, 41-10, in possibly the second-worst performance of the Mackovic era.

Texas and Syracuse would combine to win 9 more games on the season. Final tallies: Texas 5-5-1, Syracuse 6-4-1. We would learn, painfully, that the Texas “victory” over Syracuse was not a cornerstone upset over a national power. It was just another pillow fight of mediocrity, a stupid tie between two stupid teams that achieved and signified nothing. Texas finished the year without a bowl invite for the 5th time in 6 seasons, and the only thing “back” in Austin was the disappointment.

Things aren’t as dire as they were in 1993, but there are some similarities. There’s the bad: 16 losses over the past 3 seasons, including some completely unacceptable team and individual performances. And there’s the glimmer of hope: An exciting come-from-behind bowl victory to close 2012, and a roster chock full of returning starters.

But as we stand 40 days from 2013 kickoff, the three dirtiest of words are creeping their way back into the Longhorns program. “Texas is back.”

Incredibly, the “Texas is back” mantra is even being pushed out of Bellmont Hall through official releases. Needless to say, there’s plenty of reason for that 2013 promo video to be ridiculed by the blogosphere. One would hope that by “back”, Belmont simply meant the literal definition, like: “returning to the field for a new season”. But anyone who’s been around here for any period of time knows that Belmont’s message wasn’t accidental.

“Back” is a destination. “Back” is mission accomplished. The last I checked, this is Austin-by God-Texas, and our destination and our mission is not to be pretty good. Or to be in the national discussion. That’s the dream of Aggies and also-rans. Our mission is to WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS.

And if that’s the case, then Texas is not “back”.

So let’s make a deal, friends. If things go well to start the season, and if a week 3 win over a buzz-worthy Ole Miss Rebels squad pushes the Horns to 3-0, let’s refrain from the “Texas is back!” boasting.

Let’s agree that Texas won’t be “back” until they’re standing on a podium holding a crystal football. And let’s not forget that Kansas State looms the very next week as an ominous hurdle on that long path back to glory.

We don’t want history to repeat itself.

*I had a hard time pinning down the exact birth and death of the Darkest Age. 1984 was a miserable season from October on, but Texas was ranked #1 in the country at some point during ’84. 1994 concluded with a rare bowl win (over Mack Brown’s UNC Tar Heels) but I believe it must be included if for no other reason than that

.  I’m perfectly ok with stretching the Dark Ages from 1985-1997, with Mack Brown’s arrival signaling its end.

**Biggest wins during the Darkest Age: 16-14 over Arkansas, 1987.  1987 Bluebonnet Bowl 32-27 over Pittsburgh, 1989 28-24 over OU, basically the whole 1990 regular season, 1992 45-38 over Houston, 1994 63-35 over Baylor on Thanksgiving, 1994 Sun Bowl