Saturday With Uncle Beevomav..Wednesday Edition

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Scouting Report: UTSA

Sarkisian Clears the Air as Longhorns Turn the Page Toward UTSA

Channeling South Park: Bigger, Longer & UncutÂ

Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I’m somebody else?

Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?

Item: Â It seems that whoever is in charge of defensive back recruitment at Texas should quit or be fired. The last two Heisman winners, Johnny Football and RGIII, were both interested in Texas but Texas was only interested in them asÂ cornerbacks. My question is did anyone notice our QB’s and CB’s? Nuff said!

Cartman: Hey Stan, tell them about the part where Terrence calls Phillip a testicleÂ *%&*% rectal wart.

Item: ESPN Story…Â AUSTIN, Texas : Texas is planning on having three quarterbacks this spring and one of those will be Case McCoy. It was dated Dec, 30th.Â The day after McCoy and Hicks were sent home.

[to Phillip]

Terrence: This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put yourÂ *&^* in my mouth and took a picture.

Item: Texas’ roller coaster of a year. They started at # 15. Defeated OSU and got as high as # 11. After getting blown out by OU they fell out of the rankings. Then they beat Texas Tech on the road and got back to # 19. Â A loss to KSU put them out of the polls again. Then a stirring come from behind win over OSU and they ended up at 9-4 and ranked at #19.Â They went through all that and ended up four places from where they started.

Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Item: The Wall Street Journal published a research project from Indiana and Purdue Universities. It was about the most valuable college football team and most know that Texas was number one.. with a value of $761 million about $30 million more that the next closest University.

I do wonder how many would have suspected that Texas Tech came in #22 ahead of Oklahoma State, Kansas State and Colorado which rounded out Brewerâ€™s top 25? Â The Red Raidersâ€™ brand also beat out big name schools like USC, Georgia Tech, Virginia Tech, Arizona State, Florida State, Miami, UCLA, Mississippi and Boston College in descending order.

Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German “scheisse” video, you… you’d tell me, right?

[short pause]

Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.

Here’s to our University, the city of Austin and all the players who have made this University what it is today. We truly honor you!

Last a special shout out to the greatest coach in the history of Texas. Darrell K Royal will live on in our hearts and minds. Hook ‘Em Coach.