Big Mike's 2013 Texas Football Season Prediction: A Mystic Journey Through the Matrix

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We are now less than three weeks away from the start of the 2013 football season for the Texas Longhorns. Like most Texas fans I am excited for the season to begin to watch games at DKR.  I’m eager to rise early to set up a tailgate, mingle with fellow fans all day to talk football, hear the show band of the southwest, and of course, sing the Eyes of Texas. These traditions for Texas football fans are what make attending games at DKR so special.  They will always be special and grand, however they don’t take away what has been the reality of the past three seasons.

2010 saw the wheels completely come off with the team notching a final record of 5-7.  The 2011 & 2012 seasons can best be described in one word: humiliating.  Over the two year stretch we were completely dismantled by our archrival in the https://www.hornsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/hornsup1.jpgRed River Rivalry to the tune of a combined score of 118-38.  What will make the 2013 season any different than the past three? That’s the million dollar question most Longhorn fans want the answer to.  I could fill up three pages with stats and regurgitated cliches about talent, recruiting rankings, player experience ratios,  and a whole bunch of high level hogwash to attempt to answer that question, but I won’t bore you or insult your intelligence. Mack Brown recently said. “We are about to go another run.”  What is the Texas faithful to believe?  Are we to believe the Mack Brown that gave us 2001, 2004, 2005, 2008, 2009? Or do we to believe the Mack of recent days?  You know, the Mack who has the Longhorns sitting under .500 in the Big 12 with three straight losses to the Sooners (two of them being absolute disgraces) in the past three season.  Most fans don’t know what to believe at this point, including myself.  But what I can tell you is that for UT football to have a successful 2013 season we need our players and coaches to WANT IT EVERY second of EVERY game for the ENTIRE season.

So sit back, enjoy my journey through the first six games of the season and decide if it’s best to take the blue pill and remain in the Mack Brown Matrix or take the white pill and free your mind. The problem is you don’t know which pill manifests true reality?  The next four months should unfold the story.

GAME ONE: New Mexico State (08/31)

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Lets get real folks.  New Mexico State is a bad football team. They are currently on an eleven game losing streak and this game will not amount to much more than a scrimmage. When Mack Brown has had really good football teams they have destroyed really bad football teams. If the Longhorns come out lackluster and win 38-17, my advice would be to prepare yourself for a terrible season.  You will have regretted the fact that you didn’t take the white pill.  But the blue pill must have been extra strong and we are all bliss because we win big 63-7.   SEASON RECORD 1-0

GAME TWO: BYU (09/7)

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Many Longhorn fans consider this a trap game. Not me.  This BYU team lost a ton of talent in the offseason. I know the Ole Miss game looms and we could be looking ahead but I am not worried – I secretly spiked the pregame meal with tons of blue pills and the entire team is focused and prepared to show the world a spectacle they haven’t delivered in a handful of years.  Oh man, the Mack Brown Matrix is FUN.  Come on in the water’s fine.  Have another blue pill.   BYU comes out with early energy & keeps the game close 13-7 entering the 2^nd quarter.  A 65 yard TD run on a reverse by Daje and a 55 yard touchdown pass to Magic Mike Davis extends the lead to 27-7 at halftime. The defense picks up a couple of turnovers  in the 3^rd and Brown and Gray wear out the BYU defense in the 2^nd half.  Horns win 48-16 to move to 2-0.

GAME THREE: Ole Miss (09/14)

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The SEC invades DKR! Last year the ‘Horns went into Oxford and completely embarrassed the Rebels. The 66 points scored by Texas could have EASILY been 70 plus. Ole Miss has built a ton of momentum on the recruiting trail and has brought in a ton of young talent. With that being said, winning on the road takes experienced talent and the Ole Miss Rebels don’t have enough just yet. They will bring a ton of energy, motivation and inebriated fans but the Longhorns are too focused and send a message that they are for real. This game will be won in the trenches and Texas has a big advantage on both sides of the ball. The running game again will be the difference as the Horns rush for more than 250 on the ground and Ash throws for 345. The Rebels keep it close early but eventually get tired. The ‘Horns win this one 55-21 and move to 3 -0.

GAME FOUR: K-State (09/21)

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5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in a row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row 5 losses in row……..

WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS WE OWN TEXAS…..

Need I say more?  Texas beats the Purple Wizard 38-16, with no magic – just damn good football.  ‘Horns move to 4 & 0 on the season.

GAME FIVE: Iowa State (10/3)

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We hear it again “trap game.”  Well that could be true….  It’s a Thursday night road game which has the potential for a pretty big upset. The problem is Iowa State is not that good of a football team. Texas fans can expect the Cyclones to come out, play hard and get the crowd into early, but after a quick Texas touchdown and ISU turnover that leads to another UT touchdown the reality will set in. Don’t get me wrong I think Paul Rhodes is an awesome coach, I just don’t think he has the talent this year. Honestly I expect this to be a blowout.  In Mack fashion he pulls the dogs off and plays a ton of freshman in the 2^nd half.  Texas rolls 45-10 to move to 5-0.

GAME 6: BLOWU, GOONERS, OU SUCKS, LAND THIEVES (10/12)

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I could write 10 pages on my feelings about this game but I won’t.  I love attending this game. Cold beer in wax cups, fried everything, turkey legs, BUT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE RESULT.  I WANT MAKE BROWN TO CIRCLE THIS GAME AND PLAY LAST YEAR’S GAME EVERY DAMN DAY IN THE LOCKER ROOM. I WANT THE PLAYERS TO EAT, SLEEP, PRACTICE, EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH THE EMBARRASSMENT OF LOSING 63-21.  Whew.  I’ll  settle down now.  With respect to the Sooners, this is not the typical OU team.  They have major issues on defense and an unproven quarterback. Hell that doesn’t mean anything other than OU should only win by 30 points this year.   I’m tired of it and I know the players are.  We’re collectively sick and tired of getting our asses handed to us at the hands of Bob Stoops. Hence the BOLD prediction:  Texas wins the Red River Rivalry 38-21 to improve to  6-0.

So now what? You don’t know? If you have not taken a blue pill yet to go into the Mack Brown Matrix you are missing out on a great ride.  Come on in, don’t be scared. I understand if you are still confused and under the influence of the white pill of reality, but hey we are 6-0 in the Mack Brown Matrix with half the season left.

Stay tuned.  Part two will be out soon.

HOOK’EM