The 2013 Cotton Bowl: Call your healthcare provider NOW!

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As football fans, particularly during the bowl season, we try and soak in every game we can regardless of who’s playing.  Life after regular-season football is less than optimistic and many times the bowl game performances carry us fans through the 7+ grueling months devoid of college football.  I’ll be the first to admit there are entirely too many bowl games – and the names change more often than Kim Kardashian does boyfriends, but I still watch them all.  AND I will be watching tonight when Oklahoma takes on Big 12-exitee (and bonafide Texas whipping boy) Texas A&M in the AT&T Cotton Bowl at Jerryworld.  The purpose of this piece is not to make a score prediction or guess how many yards Johnny football will rack up, but rather to let Longhorn fans know that I share your ambivalence, and no I’m not ashamed of it – whichever way my lean is as it pertains to the final outcome.  While I have a nauseous disdain for both universities, as a fan watching I will be rooting for the “lesser of the two evils” if there is such a thing.

Since it is highly unlikely the roof will cave in at Cowboy Stadium, a winner WILL emerge when it’s all said and done tonight.  After taking a quick assessment of each program, which happens to yield all cons, I am quite ashamed to say that I have come to my conclusion.  God help me, I will be rooting for Sooner to beat Aggy tonight.  While some of you just threw up in your mouths, and for good reason, let me explain.  Sure, Soonerville is located in the worst state in the United States AND the average IQ of a Sooner fan is at least 40 points less than that of a Texas fan – these facts we know to be true.  But they play in the Big 12.  Texas A&M doesn’t.  College Station is equally as bad as Norman and produces the lone blemish on the map of the Great Lone Star State.  College Station and Aggy have been gerrymandered into SEC country by choice, and that’s where I draw the line.  Conference affiliation trumps all in this case in my opinion.

Now that I have put that out there and I know many of you share my sentiments, we need to discuss proper protocol.  For starters, this game absolutely cannot be watched sober.  What you don’t remember can be a good thing in this case.  Secondly you need to call your doctor immediately and schedule an appointment.  Antibiotics and/or shots will most likely be required. Lastly, pray you are never put in a position to where you have to strain your brain or compromise your soul in making a decision like this ever again.

Hook ‘Em Horns (I’ll NEVER say the other thing)

https://www.hornsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/photodune-568041-syringe-xs.jpg

As football fans, particularly during the bowl season, we try and soak in every game we can regardless of who’s playing.  Life after regular-season football is less than optimistic and many times the bowl game performances carry us fans through the 7+ grueling months devoid of college football.  I’ll be the first to admit there are entirely too many bowl games – and the names change more often than Kim Kardashian does boyfriends, but I still watch them all.  AND I will be watching tonight when Oklahoma takes on Big 12-exitee (and bonafide Texas whipping boy) Texas A&M in the AT&T Cotton Bowl at Jerryworld.  The purpose of this piece is not to make a score prediction or guess how many yards Johnny football will rack up, but rather to let Longhorn fans know that I share your ambivalence, and no I’m not ashamed of it – whichever way my lean is as it pertains to the final outcome.  While I have a nauseous disdain for both universities, as a fan watching I will be rooting for the “lesser of the two evils” if there is such a thing.

Since it is highly unlikely the roof will cave in at Cowboy Stadium, a winner WILL emerge when it’s all said and done tonight.  After taking a quick assessment of each program, which happens to yield all cons, I am quite ashamed to say that I have come to my conclusion.  God help me, I will be rooting for Sooner to beat Aggy tonight.  While some of you just threw up in your mouths, and for good reason, let me explain.  Sure, Soonerville is located in the worst state in the United States AND the average IQ of a Sooner fan is at least 40 points less than that of a Texas fan – these facts we know to be true.  But they play in the Big 12.  Texas A&M doesn’t.  College Station is equally as bad as Norman and produces the lone blemish on the map of the Great Lone Star State.  College Station and Aggy have been gerrymandered into SEC country by choice, and that’s where I draw the line.  Conference affiliation trumps all in this case in my opinion.

Now that I have put that out there and I know many of you share my sentiments, we need to discuss proper protocol.  For starters, this game absolutely cannot be watched sober.  What you don’t remember can be a good thing in this case.  Secondly you need to call your doctor immediately and schedule an appointment.  Antibiotics and/or shots will most likely be required. Lastly, pray you are never put in a position to where you have to strain your brain or compromise your soul in making a decision like this ever again.

Hook ‘Em Horns (I’ll NEVER say the other thing)