The most wonderful time of the year

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

 

Nevada vs. Louisiana-Lafayette

 

Where: New Orleans, LA – Mercedes-Benz Superdome

 

When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Pick’em

 

Watchability Rating: Go shopping.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “It’s been too long since I’ve taken you to Café du Monde.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Big bad wolves kill nice country people.

 

 

 

 

 

Gildan New Mexico Bowl

 

Utah State vs. UTEP

 

Where: Albuquerque, N.M. – University Stadium

 

When: Dec. 20, 2:20 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Utah State -10.5

 

Watchability Rating: Turn the game on, but score points with family by engaging in what they’re doing.

 

How to get your wife to watch: Miners = Coal = Diamonds

 

Kindergartener analysis: Have you seen how sharp the point is on that logo’s pick axe?

 

 

 

 

 

Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl

 

Utah vs. Colorado State

 

Where: Las Vegas, NV – Sam Boyd Stadium

 

When: Dec. 20, 3:30 p.m.

 

Network: ABC

 

Vegas line: Utah -4

 

Watchability Rating: It’s the best pre-Christmas game, plus these two were in the same conference for years. This is one of the few early bowls to watch.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Let’s re-create our irresponsible youth and spend a long weekend in Vegas.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Ute rhymes with cute, and that Ram logo looks mean.

 

 

 

 

 

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

 

Western Michigan vs. Air Force

 

Where: Boise, ID – Albertsons Stadium

 

When: Dec. 20, 5:45 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: WMU -1

 

Watchability Rating: Get some online shopping done while you keep one eye on the game.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “These air force cadets are serving our country. The least I can do to repay the favor is cheer them on.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Horses vs Fighter Jets….there will be blood. Horse blood.

 

 

 

 

 

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl

 

South Alabama vs. Bowling Green

 

Where: Montgomery, AL – Cramton Bowl

 

When: Dec. 20, 9:15 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: South Alabama -2.5

 

Watchability Rating: Score points by taking the family to dinner and catch highlights later.

 

How to get your wife to watch: She can only be snookered so often. Save it for a game you want to see.

 

Kindergartener analysis: Jaguars vs Falcons sounds cool. Too bad the teams won’t live up to their mascots.

 

 

 

 

 

Miami Beach Bowl

 

BYU vs. Memphis

 

Where: Miami, FL – Marlins Park

 

When: Dec. 22, 2 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Memphis -1

 

Watchability Rating: Force yourself to watch BYU. Catharsis is healthy, especially before the new year.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “You’re so pretty, you should be a model and live in Miami.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Cougars are cool. Tigers are cooler.

 

 

 

 

 

Boca Raton Bowl

 

Marshall vs. Northern Illinois

 

Where: Boca Raton, FL – FAU Stadium

 

When: Dec. 23, 6 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Marshall -2.5

 

Watchability Rating: These teams are a combined 23-3. Offensive football is fun to watch – play a drinking game with the family…1 touchdown = 1 beer

 

How to get your wife to watch: “When I think of Boca Raton, I think of growing old with you at my side.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Is a Thundering Herd a horse? Why do they need two words? Why don’t they have a horse on their helmet? I’ve never seen a green horse. I like dogs.

 

 

 

 

 

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl

 

Navy vs. San Diego State

 

Where: San Diego, CA – Qualcomm Stadium

 

When: Dec. 23, 9:30 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: SDSU -2

 

Watchability Rating: Score points by joining the family in the kitchen and pretend to be helpful with the baking.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “When the light is just right you look like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: The spear on their helmet is scary, but it can’t hurt a battleship.

 

 

 

 

 

Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl

 

Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky

 

Where: Nassau, Bahamas – Thomas A. Robinson National Stadium

 

When: Dec. 24, Noon

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: WKU -3

 

Watchability Rating: To watch this game, you must first punish yourself by listening to Tim McGraw’s “Indian Outlaw” so you will hum the tune every time the announcer says Chippewa.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “This game is in the Bahamas. The beaches remind me of our honeymoon.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Show him this, and then be prepared for him to climb into your bed in the middle of the night.

 

 

 

 

 

Hawaii Bowl

 

Fresno State vs. Rice

 

Where: Honolulu, HI – Aloha Stadium

 

When: Dec. 24, 8 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Fresno State -1

 

Watchability Rating: It’s Christmas Eve. Fresno State isn’t even .500. Rice is terrible. Go to church.

 

How to get your wife to watch: Saying, “Let’s go out to eat, and go to church” will lead to something better than the Hawaii Bowl…even if it’s just dinner followed by church.

 

Kindergartener analysis: Owls? Like, for real? Don’t they know that owls help Harry Potter?

 

 

 

 

 

Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl

 

Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech

 

Where: Dallas, TX – Cotton Bowl

 

When: Dec. 26, 1 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Louisiana Tech -6

 

Watchability Rating: Christmas Vacation is on.

 

How to get your wife to watch: Don’t.

 

Kindergartener analysis: Answering 10,000 questions about what an Illini is, is much better than watching Illinois play. Bulldogs are cool.

 

 

 

 

 

Quick Lane Bowl

 

Rutgers vs. North Carolina

 

Where: Detroit, MI – Ford Field

 

When: Dec. 26, 4:30 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: UNC -3

 

Watchability Rating: Between the sponsor’s name, being in Detroit, UNC’s scandals, and Rutgers’ lack of a football program, this game is likely to get cancelled before they play.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Honey, I spent all afternoon taking outside lights off the house. Come here and see what’s under this Santa hat.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Are they Tarheels or Rams? What’s a tarheel? Nevermind, the knight will kill them.

 

 

 

 

 

Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl

 

NC State vs. UCF

 

Where: St. Petersburg, FL – Tropicana Field

 

When: Dec. 26, 8 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: UCF -1.5

 

Watchability Rating: Think about how long the offseason is, watch this game, and drink heavily – whether it’s the game or thoughts of the offseason that make you drink is inconsequential.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “You’ve been dealing with my family for days. Why don’t you go relax and take a bubble bath while I drink watch the game.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Wolves are kinda like dogs, so I’m cheering for them, but they don’t stand a chance against a knight made of gold.

 

 

 

 

 

Military Bowl presented By Northrop Grumman

 

Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech

 

Where: Annapolis, MD – Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium

 

When: Dec. 27, 1 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Cincinnati -3

 

Watchability Rating: Clear your schedule and make sure you watch a guy named Gunner carve up some turkey.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Virginia is for lovers.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Whoa…half bear & half cat?!? That turkey thingy doesn’t stand a chance.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyundai Sun Bowl

 

Arizona State vs. Duke

 

Where: El Paso, TX – Sun Bowl

 

When: Dec. 27, 2 p.m.

 

Network: CBS

 

Vegas line: Arizona State -7.5

 

Watchability Rating: Don’t let the big spread fool you. This should be one of the most entertaining early bowls. Plus Todd Graham’s techno preacher headset.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “You’re smart. You totally could’ve gone to Duke if you wanted to.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Sun Devils against Blue Devils?!?! This is gonna be awesome!

 

 

 

 

 

Duck Commander Independence Bowl

 

Miami vs. South Carolina

 

Where: Shreveport, LA – Independence Stadium

 

When: Dec. 27, 3:30 p.m.

 

Network: ABC

 

Vegas line: Miami -1.5

 

Watchability Rating: Remember when Duck Dynasty was funny for a minute? These teams haven’t been relevant since then.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Hey come here…doesn’t my uncle remind you of Si?”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Hurricanes vs Chickens? Duh!

 

 

 

 

 

New Era Pinstripe Bowl

 

Boston College vs. Penn State

 

Where: Bronx, NY – Yankee Stadium

 

When: Dec. 27, 4:30 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Boston College -2.5

 

Watchability Rating: The only reason to watch this game is if it’s played in a blizzard, which means you’ll probably be watching.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Hey, honey look….the yanks are trying to play football again. That reminds me…we should go to the Cape next Summer.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: I’d pick the Lions if they didn’t have that stupid word I can’t pronounce in front of them.

 

 

 

 

 

National University Holiday Bowl

 

Nebraska vs. USC

 

Where: San Diego, Qualcomm Stadium

 

When: Dec. 27, 8 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: USC -6

 

Watchability Rating: The Trojans are fixin’ to eviscerate Nebraska, and who doesn’t enjoy that?

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Honey, USC is on. They’ve already shown Will Ferrell 17 times and he’s your favorite.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Warriors against farmers? They need guns on their tractors.

 

 

 

 

 

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

 

Texas A&M vs. West Virginia

 

Where: Memphis, TN – Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium

 

When: Dec. 29, 2 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: WVU -4

 

Watchability Rating: A&M is the proverbial train wreck – Austin can’t not watch. Nationally, this is 2 fringe teams, in nonexistent markets playing in a meaningless bowl that’s historically reserved for Conference USA-level teams.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Have you ever seen Deliverance?”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Guys in fur hats with guns against guys dressed up as soldiers with swords? BANG!

 

 

 

 

 

Russell Athletic Bowl

 

Oklahoma vs. Clemson

 

Where: Orlando, FL – Florida Citrus Bowl

 

When: Dec. 29, 5:30 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Pick’em

 

Watchability Rating: Renegade state university with an extensive history of cheating plays……a renegade state university with an extensive history of cheating. Sounds like fun!

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Honey, there’s live crime on TV!”

 

Kindergartener analysis: I don’t know what a Sooner is. I only see wagons and ponies. Tigers will kill that stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl

 

Arkansas vs. Texas

 

Where: Houston, TX – NRG Stadium

 

When: Dec. 29, 9 p.m.

 

Network: ESPN

 

Vegas line: Arkansas -5.5

 

Watchability Rating: It’s like the Southwest Conference, except not. Want to see an old Texan get ornery? Ask him about 1964 & 1965.

 

How to get your wife to watch: “Watch these Arkansas fans yell like they’re calling pigs. It’s like redneck reality TV.”

 

Kindergartener analysis: Razorbacks look mean, but one X-Wing doesn’t beat a Star Destroyer. Even if it’s mean.