interview syrup-tissuesly recorded a couple weeks ago.
ab: yo, man, what's up?
mr x: come in, art. we need to talk.
ab: ugh. no good, huh?
mr x: art, i tried to tell you that lily white stuff wouldn't go over.
ab: i don't get it. that always works.
mr x: yes, that works in waco. you aren't in waco anymore.
ab: bullshit. that shouldn't make any difference.
mr x: well, it does, and you're not going to get your next second chance until you realize that.
ab: ok, ok. i don't like it, but i'll do anything to get back in the saddle.
mr x: now we're getting somewhere. art, you're going to have to show some contrition.
ab: oh, god, that?
mr x: yes, that. you're going to have to make people think you've realized you were wrong and that you're committed to doing better.
ab: hunh. i should be committed all right.
mr x: merrghhtdf.
ab: what was that?
mr x: i was clearing my throat.
ab: oh, ok. so, what do we do?
mr x: what you do is go before the people all weepy-face like swaggart.
ab: that didn't really work for him, did it?
mr x: football is a different game.
ab: oh, ok, well, yes. so what's next?
mr x: the bad news is you're going to have to convince people that you understand where you went wrong. the good news is people are incredibly gullible.
ab: the good news is there isn't any bad news, and the bad news is that's all the good news there is.
mr x: art, there is bad news. you did wrong and you have to appear to admit it. what you did was extremely bad for those girls.
ab: ahh, piss on the little bitches. they had it coming.
mr x: no, the guys had it coming, and be careful what you say here. this office is bugged.
ab: really? ok, well. then you misunderstood me. what i meant was i really care about the little angels. you just didn't get it.
mr x: now that's much better. with that approach i think we can begin to fix all the wrong you did.
ab: i didn't do wrong. you wouldn't believe the talent i was bringing in.
mr x: art, it's not just about talent when you're dealing with the public. generally speaking, i mean.
ab: hunh. general lee's been dead a long time, now.
mr x: whut?
ab: nothing. what do i do now?
mr x: muuch better. i'm glad we're on the same page on this. let me set up some interviews, and you go work on your somber face.
ab: somber?
mr x: swaggart.
ab: uh, ok. how's this?
mr x: there's a bathroom on the right.
ab: ahh, yeah, creedence. i miss them, too.