For those of you familiar with the ut-tailgaters.com blog, welcome back to Around the Big 12! Thanks for finding us again. You’re probably wondering… did you finally earn that six figure paycheck for these amazing pieces of literature? No, but close! I didn’t pay my webhost bill for six months and by the time I re-upped all backup data was deleted. And I’m too lazy to rebuild the blog.
You’re dealing with a real professional here.
Fortunately I shopped gave my work to the highest only bidder, so here we are! But seriously, I really appreciate the great hornsports.com taking in this orphan column.
And for new readers, please remember that the point spreads included below are strictly for gambling purposes only…If you win big I expect a cut of the winnings, and if you lose big who are you again, sorry I don’t recall the name, get away from me mister.
Let’s go to the Games of Week 1!
Marshall at West Virginia (-24.5), 11:00am [FX] – Fitting that FX, the network that brings you Sons of Anarchy and Justified, will air the “Friends of Coal Bowlâ€. No, that’s really what they call it. I could tell you this is a bitter rivalry, but I’d be lying. West Virginia hates Pitt, Marshall is just the annoying in-state little bro. WVU is 11-0 all-time against the Herd, including a 20+ ppg average victory margin since the series was renewed in 2006. Inexplicably, Marshall is screaming to continue the “rivalryâ€. West Virginia will move on after this year, destined for bigger and better things. But not before they give little bro one last swirlie. Sounds familiar…. MOUNTAINEERS – 36 Thundering Hurd – 17
Tulsa (-1) at Iowa State, 2:30pm [FSN] – How can you not love this game…it features the Tulsa offense, Paul Rhoads, and the triumphant return of everyone’s favorite dudebro quarterback, Steele Jantz! Jantz lost the starting gig last year after harshing everyone’s mellow with 12 turnovers in his first 6 starts. Quite honestly I’m surprised to see Jantz starting again. Hell, I’m surprised he’s still in Ames. The waves there are non-existent, so the kindbud must be FANTASTIC. This is a crucial game for ISU posteseason dreams. The Cyclones must split their first two games (Tulsa, @Iowa) if they want any chance of bowl eligibility. I like the Cyclones to win on a last second field goal as the internet braces in anticipation for more Paul Rhoads YouTube gold. CYCLONES – 31 Golden Hurricane – 28
Savannah State at Oklahoma State (NL), 6:00pm [NO TV] – Seriously, oSu? Savannah State?? What, was Cumberland not available? The Savannah State Tigers have won 12 games in the past 7 seasons. Their short list of vanquished foes reads like characters from an F Scott Fitzgerald novel: “Johnson C Smithâ€, “Livingstoneâ€, and “Edward Watersâ€. Seriously, those are colleges… Savannah’s 2011 squad was particularly terrible, outscored 442-138 and outgained a whopping 4,973 yards to 2,623. 2011 included a heartbreaking 63-6 loss to SE Louisiana. The Tigers’ overmatched defense will lay down like a red carpet for true freshmen QB Wes Lunt and the retooled Ok State offense to dance all over. You can take absolutely nothing from the outcome of this game. When some idiot sportscaster raves about Ok State’s 800 yards of total offense, you may openly dismiss them like the arrogant jerk that you are. COWBOYS – 52 Tigers – 6
South Dakota State at Kansas (NL), 6:00pm [NO TV] – Some lonely nights, AtB12 longs for the good ol’ days, when the conference featured endless material-providers like Leach, Mangino, Gary Pinkel, Bo Pelini, and Aggies. “Around the Big 12†used to basically write itself. All you had to do was Google “Dan Hawkins Idiot†and away you went…. But here comes Charlie Weis being wheelbarrowed into the league to help save the day! Thanks to Weis’ decided schematic advantage over common sense and good coaching, the bumbling Jayhawks should serve as frequent cannon fodder material for this column. But not in Week 1. Despite running off a total of 23 players this offseason (!!!) the Jayhawks still have just enough depth to put away the plucky Jackrabbits. Cherish that win, Charlie. It may be your last of the season. JAYHAWKS – 31 Jackrabbits – 24
Missouri State at Kansas State (NL), 6:00pm [NO TV] – The Big 12’s fetish for FCS non-conference opponents is embarrassing enough… but must they also pick FCS teams that are absolutely terrible? Missouri State has played 7 FBS opponents since 2006, losing by an average of six touchdowns per game. Simple keys in this one: Find good parking spot at stadium, make sure uniforms fit right, break sweat, perfect touchdown celebrations, DON’T GET ANYONE HURT. And of course by “anyone†of course I mean Collin Klein. WILDCATS – 48 Bears – 9
Wyoming at Texas (-28.5), 7:00pm [LONGHORN NETWORK] – Things I’ve heard: Is Wyoming a team on the rise? Can they play Texas close? No one‘s been “Matt Millen†enough to predict a Wyo upset, but let’s see if the talk of a closer game has merit. The Cowboys finished 8-4 last year, bolstered by a whopping 1.25 per game turnover ratio. Positive turnover ratio veils a lot of warts and Wyoming’s defense has big ol’ blemishes. The Pokes ranked 115th in rush D in 2011, and barring a miraculous turnaround they’ll still be soft up front and prone to heavy abuse by the Longhorns’ multi-pronged ground assault. Expect a slow and safe Texas start on offense, but the big holes will open up in the second half when Wyoming’s defense is worn to a nub. LONGHORNS – 52 Cowboys – 13
Northwestern State at Texas Tech (NL), 6:00pm [NO TV] – I had just moved to Ft Worth in 2001 when Northwestern State stunned TCU 27-24. I overheard the following in a Cowtown watering hole:
Frog fan 1: How was the game? Did we win?
Frog fan 2: No….we lost, in overtime
Frog fan 1: Damn. Well, Northwestern is always tough
Frog fan 2: DUDE….. it wasn’t the smart Northwestern. Northwestern STATE
Frog fan 1: WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU…….? Are they even Big Ten?
And that is when I learned to never, ever take TCU football or TCU football fans seriously. A lesson you’ll all learn soon enough. Texas Tech won’t take Northwestern State seriously, but they’ll still win with ease. RED RAIDERS – 44 Demons – 16
Oklahoma (-31) at UTEP, 9:30pm [FSN] – Scout.com’s 2012 UTEP preview lists the Miners’…..PUNTER as the best returning player on the team. Yeouch. UTEP has former Tennessee QB Nick Lamaison, a senior, under center. He’s described in the same preview as having “moxieâ€. Sooo, yep, you guessed it. It’ll take a lot more than moxie to defeat OU and save Mike Price’s job, but the Sooners’ suddenly sketchy offensive line will struggle in the 1st half and help keep this game comfortably within the spread.  SOONERS – 40 Miners – 17
SMU at Baylor (-11), Sunday 5:30pm [FSN] – While driving through Waco last weekend, I caught a local radio Baylor 2012 preview show. It included SIXTEEN references to “RG3†over a 15 minute stretch. So, if you’re expecting Baylor to avoid that post-RGIII hangover, you’re out of your damn mind. An intriguing 2012 subplot for Texas fans is the possible revival of Garrett Gilbert’s career on the Hilltop. I scanned Gilbert’s 2010 stats vs Baylor (22-39, 231yds, 0 TDs, 1 INT, 79 rush yds rush) to see if I could learn anything interesting. What I learned is ….DAMN look at Texas’ skill position “talent†in 2010. Tre Newton, Cody Johnson, John Chiles, Mike Davis, Marquise Goodwin, James Kirkendoll. Let’s be real, that group ranked….what, 10th best in the Big 12? What a joke. I’ll be rooting for GG. And I’ll enjoy when he lights up the Bears for 350+ and sends 2012 Baylor into immediate panic. WHERE IS YOUR GOD (i.e. RG3) NOW BAYLOR AHAHAHAHA Upset special! MUSTANGS – 30 Bears- 24
That’s it for Week 1. TCU doesn’t begin play until Sept 8 so we’ll introduce the Frogs to the conference next week. If you didn’t enjoy this week’s episode, just wait…it will get worse.
Goodbye, and good luck.
twitter: @uttailgaters
email: texasfight@ut-tailgaters.com
