Godzillatron traditions that should be drowned in Waller Creek

https://www.hornsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/DKR_stadium_fcc.jpg Photo credit: carolina terp

 

 

 

During Big 12 Media Days, the conference announced that highlights packages of other conference action would be broadcast at Big 12 stadiums, in an attempt to reverse falling attendance figures.

 

 

 

One could write for days debating whether canned highlights will have any impact on attendance. I say no, but I’ll let you debate amongst yourselves. The discussion here is what this change could and should mean for Saturdays in Austin.

 

 

 

Sadly, the gameday production at DKR-Texas Memorial Stadium has long been cause of cringing and internet belly-aching for Longhorn diehards. Primarily because it has become, in fact, a “production”. It is frequently

 

a clumsy, scripted, rinky-dink minor league ballpark atmosphere perpetrated in paint-by-numbers fashion by Bellmont’s “gameday consultants”.

 

 

 

So when the Big 12 highlights become a new gameday staple, something in our weekly repertoire must go away, and we unfortunately have many deserving candidates for elimination. Here are a few Godzillatron features I hope they replace. You know what, no matter what happens, these all need to be packed up and flown directly into the sun.

 

Scott Fisher

 

I have not lived in Austin for 12 years. I have no idea if Fox 7 weatherman Scott Fisher has become some kind of beloved Austin icon whose mere mention lightens the hearts of locals from Bee Cave Rd to Chicon. Frankly, I don’t care. The Scott Fisher “live weather segments” before kickoff are an abomination. First of all, what is the point of an in-stadium live weather report? I don’t need to know that the heat index at kickoff is 174 degrees. I AM AT THE DAMN STADIUM. All I have to do is wring the beer-infused sweat out of my shirt to know that it the weather is torture. Even if an F5 tornado is barreling towards campus at 100 mph, I don’t want a live Scott Fisher weather update. Because that  means that the last thing I will ever experience in life is a live Scott Fisher weather update.

 

 

 

Somehow these 90 seconds of idiocy have become a tradition. I often spend idle time wondering to myself how this ever became a weekly thing at my school, embraced by my peers. I am not exaggerating here – every time the DKRTMS crowd responds favorably to the inane “…AND HOOK UMMMMMMMMMMM……HORNS!!!!!!!!” scream, I wonder if maybe I would have been better off matriculating at another school.

 

“I got my game on….”

 

Look, I love Bevo. Every Orangeblood does. The first time the “Silver Spurs prepping Bevo” video appeared during a break in the game, I thought to myself “That was kind of neat to watch – ONCE.” I mean, damn, the Silver Spurs that are shown in that video can’t even be in school anymore.

 

Pizza giveaways.

 

Nothing says “*Welp, we’ve got nothin’*” quite like the pizza giveaway. This fascinating contest requires a student to “show their spirit” by  jumping up and down for 1 1/2 seconds in exchange for an empty pizza box with a coupon inside. Wow, I mean…THAT’S the kind of entertainment value I expect when I pay $85 for that Ole Miss ticket.

 

 

 

As much fun as it is to be surly, there HAVE been some positive additions to the gameday production. The “THIS IS TEXAS FOOTBALL” segments with a famous name like Rosie Leaks or Tommy Nobis are nice. The “We’re Texas” commercials… It amuses me that the student section always responds so boisterously to Walter Cronkite ordering them to get their “horns up”. But by all means, as long as it keeps the kids revved up, keep it in the rotation.

 

 

 

My biggest concern is that Big 12 highlights will simply squeeze more time away from the already limited spotlight we now give our band. Let’s not forget the role those kids have played and SHOULD play in our stadium experience. Example…

 

 

 

My Dad did not go to UT. He had lived in Texas for 30 years when we attended the 1990 Texas-Colorado game. As Texas made its second half charge, during a timeout the band fired up March Grandioso and the crowd was….ENGAGED. Loudly. It was a terrific moment. It needed no script, no corporate co-branding, nothing but the energy of the band and the crowd responding to belt it out – “T! E! X!…..”

 

 

 

After the game, walking back to the car after a tough loss to the Buffs, my Dad recalled that precise moment and the energy of it all and mentioned that the experience made him proud to be a *Texan*. I had literally never heard him mention state pride. Pizza giveaways and kiss-cams do not render this kind of reaction.

 

 

 

We can do better. This is Texas. We should always seek improvement in every way big and small. On the field, and off. We have an unlimited budget, and our own freaking network. We should be swimming in content, and we should

 

have someone in charge who understands the atmosphere and the current game situation, and who has all the tools at his/her disposal to keep the crowd engaged.

 

 

 

And we need someone who also knows that sometimes you don’t need any tools at all. Sometimes you just need a simple march.

 

 

 

And hey, it also wouldn’t kill anyone to bring back the Slippery Rock score updates.

 

 

 

What gameday Godzillatron “traditions” do you want to see drowned in Waller Creek?