Alright guys, I need some advice...

[BevoBlake]

I have to be careful so the girlfriend doesn't ever see this thread on my computer. But I could use some advice from the guys on this board.

The talk with her dad...

Any advice on that? I'd be especially interested to hear from those who have daughters. (Keep in mind, it has to be done over the phone as he lives way out of state.)

 

[PropositionJoe]

do you have a pretty good relationship with him to start? is he going to be expecting this conversation to be coming?

 

[UTK66]

Just be you. Don't sugar coat anything and shoot straight. It worked for me, 22 years ago .

 

[hornsfan65]

Be courteous and sincere. Yes sir, no sir, and make sure to ask for his blessing. Since you are both in different places maybe you could do it on Skype so you can see each other and look him in the eye. Just a thought.

 

[BevoBlake]

do you have a pretty good relationship with him to start? is he going to be expecting this conversation to be coming?

I'd say our relationship is good. It's not really close as we're pretty far apart and he doesn't see us much but I know he has a high opinion of me. And I think he expects the conversation in the near future, just maybe not this week.

Just be you. Don't sugar coat anything and shoot straight. It worked for me, 22 years ago .

Definitely, good advice. I've been trying to gauge how "positive" I should be.

Be courteous and sincere. Yes sir, no sir, and make sure to ask for his blessing. Since you are both in different places maybe you could do it on Skype so you can see each other and look him in the eye. Just a thought.

Skype could be a possibility, good idea.

 

[MBHORNSFAN]

Just don't tell him you want to PIHB

 

[PropositionJoe]

if he's expecting it, then be courteous, polite and just flat out ask him for his blessings.

no worries man. if he's expecting it then he likes you. you cant screw that up.

 

[PeteA422]

I know they are saying to be honest and straight with the man, but you may want to leave out phrases like, "I just want to make an honest woman out of your daughter." I don't think he would appreciate that level of honesty.

Haha, just kidding. If you are concerned enough about her to get advise on the matter, I'm sure that level of concern can be seen by her dad and you will do just fine.

 

[DFW Hornsfan]

My advice is to go scorched earth. tell him no matter what, you are going to marry his little girl. If you have any compromising pictures of her, blackmail him with them.

Just kidding. I actually had to call my father in law because he lived out of state. Remember that if she is close to him, she will want his blessing. You might even get him to be close by when the big day comes. Have him on skype after you ask her, so she can see him personally tell her that you asked and he blessed. If he is like most dads of girls. (I am one) He knows she will make her own decision. But you coming to him first will show respect and he will appreciate that.

Good luck and hopefully congratulations.

 

[BevoBlake]

Thanks guys. I suppose I should get around to it this evening.

 

[utparothed]

Everybody's nailed it...just be yourself. He knows who you are regardless of the distance involved, he's heard all about you from his daughter and I guarantee you that he's watched how you treat/talk to her the times that he's been around. If he's got a high opinion of you after all of that then you're gold.

Congratulations on taking the step and for being man enough to ask for her hand!!

 

[Lukus Alderman]

Call when you know he's not available and leave a message.

 

[Bevo11]

Just be you. Don't sugar coat anything and shoot straight. It worked for me, 22 years ago .

Great advice.

I've been married 33 years and have a daughter who is married and that is what my son-in-law did. Worked for him!

 

[Red__7]

When I had the conversation with my father-in-law I included her two older brothers in the conversation. He gave me his blessing, but then let me know that if I was accepting responsibility for taking care of his daughter I was also accepting responsibility for all the costs associated with her. He then literally sold her to me for $1.

 

[PeteA422]

Everybody's nailed it...!!

Hey, what are you trying to say here? Oh, you are talking about the asking the father, right?? Hahaha

 

[Randolph Duke]

I have to be careful so the girlfriend doesn't ever see this thread on my computer. But I could use some advice from the guys on this board.
The talk with her dad...

Any advice on that? I'd be especially interested to hear from those who have daughters. (Keep in mind, it has to be done over the phone as he lives way out of state.)

"Sir, I have grown tired of having sex with your daughter and have decided it is time the two of us enter into a legally binding, asexual relationship. We want your blessing or, should you care about me as a person, please talk me out of this."

Be honest with him and say what you need to say. He's going to get the message before you even speak the words, so do this for yourself and make sure at the end of saying what you had to say you will look back on the experience as the first in a long line of things you will do to feel that you haven't tried to make the marriage a 50/50 partnership, but rather you have everything to do with honesty, sincerity and integrity. You can explain to him a lot. What matters is living the commitment. And the end of the talk, you don't want to have his permission, you want to have his respect.

 

[BevoBlake]

When I had the conversation with my father-in-law I included her two older brothers in the conversation. He gave me his blessing, but then let me know that if I was accepting responsibility for taking care of his daughter I was also accepting responsibility for all the costs associated with her. He then literally sold her to me for $1.

Was that a bargain?

"Sir, I have grown tired of having sex with your daughter and have decided it is time the two of us enter into a legally binding, asexual relationship. We want your blessing or, should you care about me as a person, please talk me out of this."
Be honest with him and say what you need to say. He's going to get the message before you even speak the words, so do this for yourself and make sure at the end of saying what you had to say you will look back on the experience as the first in a long line of things you will do to feel that you haven't tried to make the marriage a 50/50 partnership, but rather you have everything to do with honesty, sincerity and integrity. You can explain to him a lot. What matters is living the commitment. And the end of the talk, you don't want to have his permission, you want to have his respect.

Excellent advice Randolph!

 

[Darrell McPhaul]

Good luck and let us know how it went?

 

[BevoBlake]

Good luck and let us know how it went?

Sure thing Darrell! I plan on making the phone call tonight. And if all goes well there, I'll be popping the question on January 1st.