This qualifies as MUST SEE
Justin Tucker does Matthew McConaughey
https://player.vimeo.com/video/136271735
Justin Tucker does Matthew McConaughey
https://player.vimeo.com/video/136271735
It's a Funny World
- Thread starter Duke C #11
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Duke C #11
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A Man and his wife were sitting in their living room, talking. He said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, Just pull the plug."
She got up and pulled the plug on the TV and threw out all the beer.
She got up and pulled the plug on the TV and threw out all the beer.
MikeV73
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Duke C #11
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[SIZE=9pt]H[/SIZE][SIZE=9pt]ow to tell you are married.......[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. [/SIZE] [SIZE=9pt]That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]After a few days they meet up for lunch.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said: 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When[/SIZE] [SIZE=9pt]I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. [/SIZE] [SIZE=9pt]That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]After a few days they meet up for lunch.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said: 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When[/SIZE] [SIZE=9pt]I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=9pt]The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'[/SIZE]
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Duke C #11
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Biden Offers Government Position To Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark
FIFY.
FIFY.
Duke C #11
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[SIZE=10pt]A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, no, no. You have another 31 years, 2 months and 8 days to
live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make
the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 21 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."[/SIZE]
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, no, no. You have another 31 years, 2 months and 8 days to
live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make
the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 21 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."[/SIZE]
Duke C #11
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[SIZE=18pt]HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) Part 1 of 3[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Alan, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Kristen, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Camille, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt]. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Derrick, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Alan, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Kristen, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Camille, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt]. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Derrick, age 8[/SIZE]
Duke C #11
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Part 2 of 3
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Both don't want any more kids. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Lori, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Lynnette, age 8[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt](isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Martin, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Craig, age 9[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Anita, age 9[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt](bless you child)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Both don't want any more kids. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Lori, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=13.5pt]Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Lynnette, age 8[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt](isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Martin, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Craig, age 9[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Anita, age 9[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt](bless you child)[/SIZE]
Duke C #11
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Part 3 of 3
[SIZE=18pt]WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]When they're rich. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Pam, age 7[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]- - Curt, age 7[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Howard, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Kelvin, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]And the #1 Favorite is........ [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Ricky, age 10[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]When they're rich. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Pam, age 7[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]- - Curt, age 7[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Howard, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Kelvin, age 8[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]And the #1 Favorite is........ [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]-- Ricky, age 10[/SIZE]
Duke C #11
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[SIZE=24pt]Men Are Just Happier People[/SIZE]
[SIZE=24pt]What[/SIZE][SIZE=24pt] do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=24pt]Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet, and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=24pt]What[/SIZE][SIZE=24pt] do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=24pt]Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet, and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.[/SIZE]
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