R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Nevada vs. Louisiana-Lafayette
Where: New Orleans, LA – Mercedes-Benz Superdome
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m.
Vegas line: Pickâ€™em
Watchability Rating: Go shopping.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œItâ€™s been too long since Iâ€™ve taken you to CafÃ© du Monde.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Big bad wolves kill nice country people.
Gildan New Mexico Bowl
Utah State vs. UTEP
Where: Albuquerque, N.M. – University Stadium
When: Dec. 20, 2:20 p.m.
Vegas line: Utah State -10.5
Watchability Rating: Turn the game on, but score points with family by engaging in what theyâ€™re doing.
How to get your wife to watch: Miners = Coal = Diamonds
Kindergartener analysis: Have you seen how sharp the point is on that logoâ€™s pick axe?
Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl
Utah vs. Colorado State
Where: Las Vegas, NV – Sam Boyd Stadium
When: Dec. 20, 3:30 p.m.
Vegas line: Utah -4
Watchability Rating: Itâ€™s the best pre-Christmas game, plus these two were in the same conference for years. This is one of the few early bowls to watch.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œLetâ€™s re-create our irresponsible youth and spend a long weekend in Vegas.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Ute rhymes with cute, and that Ram logo looks mean.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Western Michigan vs. Air Force
Where: Boise, ID – Albertsons Stadium
When: Dec. 20, 5:45 p.m.
Vegas line: WMU -1
Watchability Rating: Get some online shopping done while you keep one eye on the game.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œThese air force cadets are serving our country. The least I can do to repay the favor is cheer them on.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Horses vs Fighter Jetsâ€¦.there will be blood. Horse blood.
Raycom Media Camellia Bowl
South Alabama vs. Bowling Green
Where: Montgomery, AL – Cramton Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 9:15 p.m.
Vegas line: South Alabama -2.5
Watchability Rating: Score points by taking the family to dinner and catch highlights later.
How to get your wife to watch: She can only be snookered so often. Save it for a game you want to see.
Kindergartener analysis: Jaguars vs Falcons sounds cool. Too bad the teams wonâ€™t live up to their mascots.
Miami Beach Bowl
BYU vs. Memphis
Where: Miami, FL – Marlins Park
When: Dec. 22, 2 p.m.
Vegas line: Memphis -1
Watchability Rating: Force yourself to watch BYU. Catharsis is healthy, especially before the new year.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œYouâ€™re so pretty, you should be a model and live in Miami.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Cougars are cool. Tigers are cooler.
Boca Raton Bowl
Marshall vs. Northern Illinois
Where: Boca Raton, FL – FAU Stadium
When: Dec. 23, 6 p.m.
Vegas line: Marshall -2.5
Watchability Rating: These teams are a combined 23-3. Offensive football is fun to watch â€“ play a drinking game with the familyâ€¦1 touchdown = 1 beer
How to get your wife to watch: â€œWhen I think of Boca Raton, I think of growing old with you at my side.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Is a Thundering Herd a horse? Why do they need two words? Why donâ€™t they have a horse on their helmet? Iâ€™ve never seen a green horse. I like dogs.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Navy vs. San Diego State
Where: San Diego, CA – Qualcomm Stadium
When: Dec. 23, 9:30 p.m.
Vegas line: SDSU -2
Watchability Rating: Score points by joining the family in the kitchen and pretend to be helpful with the baking.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œWhen the light is just right you look like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun.â€
Kindergartener analysis: The spear on their helmet is scary, but it canâ€™t hurt a battleship.
Popeyeâ€™s Bahamas Bowl
Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky
Where: Nassau, Bahamas – Thomas A. Robinson National Stadium
When: Dec. 24, Noon
Vegas line: WKU -3
Watchability Rating: To watch this game, you must first punish yourself by listening to Tim McGrawâ€™s â€œIndian Outlawâ€ so you will hum the tune every time the announcer says Chippewa.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œThis game is in the Bahamas. The beaches remind me of our honeymoon.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Show him this, and then be prepared for him to climb into your bed in the middle of the night.
Fresno State vs. Rice
Where: Honolulu, HI – Aloha Stadium
When: Dec. 24, 8 p.m.
Vegas line: Fresno State -1
Watchability Rating: Itâ€™s Christmas Eve. Fresno State isnâ€™t even .500. Rice is terrible. Go to church.
How to get your wife to watch: Saying, â€œLetâ€™s go out to eat, and go to churchâ€ will lead to something better than the Hawaii Bowlâ€¦even if itâ€™s just dinner followed by church.
Kindergartener analysis: Owls? Like, for real? Donâ€™t they know that owls help Harry Potter?
Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas Bowl
Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech
Where: Dallas, TX – Cotton Bowl
When: Dec. 26, 1 p.m.
Vegas line: Louisiana Tech -6
Watchability Rating: Christmas Vacation is on.
How to get your wife to watch: Donâ€™t.
Kindergartener analysis: Answering 10,000 questions about what an Illini is, is much better than watching Illinois play. Bulldogs are cool.
Quick Lane Bowl
Rutgers vs. North Carolina
Where: Detroit, MI – Ford Field
When: Dec. 26, 4:30 p.m.
Vegas line: UNC -3
Watchability Rating: Between the sponsorâ€™s name, being in Detroit, UNCâ€™s scandals, and Rutgersâ€™ lack of a football program, this game is likely to get cancelled before they play.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHoney, I spent all afternoon taking outside lights off the house. Come here and see whatâ€™s under this Santa hat.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Are they Tarheels or Rams? Whatâ€™s a tarheel? Nevermind, the knight will kill them.
Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl
NC State vs. UCF
Where: St. Petersburg, FL – Tropicana Field
When: Dec. 26, 8 p.m.
Vegas line: UCF -1.5
Watchability Rating: Think about how long the offseason is, watch this game, and drink heavily – whether itâ€™s the game or thoughts of the offseason that make you drink is inconsequential.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œYouâ€™ve been dealing with my family for days. Why donâ€™t you go relax and take a bubble bath while I
drink watch the game.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Wolves are kinda like dogs, so Iâ€™m cheering for them, but they donâ€™t stand a chance against a knight made of gold.
Military Bowl presented By Northrop Grumman
Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech
Where: Annapolis, MD – Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium
When: Dec. 27, 1 p.m.
Vegas line: Cincinnati -3
Watchability Rating: Clear your schedule and make sure you watch a guy named Gunner carve up some turkey.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œVirginia is for lovers.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Whoaâ€¦half bear & half cat?!? That turkey thingy doesnâ€™t stand a chance.
Hyundai Sun Bowl
Arizona State vs. Duke
Where: El Paso, TX – Sun Bowl
When: Dec. 27, 2 p.m.
Vegas line: Arizona State -7.5
Watchability Rating: Donâ€™t let the big spread fool you. This should be one of the most entertaining early bowls. Plus Todd Grahamâ€™s techno preacher headset.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œYouâ€™re smart. You totally couldâ€™ve gone to Duke if you wanted to.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Sun Devils against Blue Devils?!?! This is gonna be awesome!
Duck Commander Independence Bowl
Miami vs. South Carolina
Where: Shreveport, LA – Independence Stadium
When: Dec. 27, 3:30 p.m.
Vegas line: Miami -1.5
Watchability Rating: Remember when Duck Dynasty was funny for a minute? These teams havenâ€™t been relevant since then.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHey come hereâ€¦doesnâ€™t my uncle remind you of Si?â€
Kindergartener analysis: Hurricanes vs Chickens? Duh!
New Era Pinstripe Bowl
Boston College vs. Penn State
Where: Bronx, NY – Yankee Stadium
When: Dec. 27, 4:30 p.m.
Vegas line: Boston College -2.5
Watchability Rating: The only reason to watch this game is if itâ€™s played in a blizzard, which means youâ€™ll probably be watching.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHey, honey lookâ€¦.the yanks are trying to play football again. That reminds meâ€¦we should go to the Cape next Summer.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Iâ€™d pick the Lions if they didnâ€™t have that stupid word I canâ€™t pronounce in front of them.
National University Holiday Bowl
Nebraska vs. USC
Where: San Diego, Qualcomm Stadium
When: Dec. 27, 8 p.m.
Vegas line: USC -6
Watchability Rating: The Trojans are fixinâ€™ to eviscerate Nebraska, and who doesnâ€™t enjoy that?
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHoney, USC is on. Theyâ€™ve already shown Will Ferrell 17 times and heâ€™s your favorite.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Warriors against farmers? They need guns on their tractors.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl
Texas A&M vs. West Virginia
Where: Memphis, TN – Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium
When: Dec. 29, 2 p.m.
Vegas line: WVU -4
Watchability Rating: A&M is the proverbial train wreck â€“ Austin canâ€™t not watch. Nationally, this is 2 fringe teams, in nonexistent markets playing in a meaningless bowl thatâ€™s historically reserved for Conference USA-level teams.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHave you ever seen Deliverance?â€
Kindergartener analysis: Guys in fur hats with guns against guys dressed up as soldiers with swords? BANG!
Russell Athletic Bowl
Oklahoma vs. Clemson
Where: Orlando, FL – Florida Citrus Bowl
When: Dec. 29, 5:30 p.m.
Vegas line: Pickâ€™em
Watchability Rating: Renegade state university with an extensive history of cheating playsâ€¦â€¦a renegade state university with an extensive history of cheating. Sounds like fun!
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHoney, thereâ€™s live crime on TV!â€
Kindergartener analysis: I donâ€™t know what a Sooner is. I only see wagons and ponies. Tigers will kill that stuff.
AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl
Arkansas vs. Texas
Where: Houston, TX – NRG Stadium
When: Dec. 29, 9 p.m.
Vegas line: Arkansas -5.5
Watchability Rating: Itâ€™s like the Southwest Conference, except not. Want to see an old Texan get ornery? Ask him about 1964 & 1965.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œWatch these Arkansas fans yell like theyâ€™re calling pigs. Itâ€™s like redneck reality TV.â€
Kindergartener analysis: Razorbacks look mean, but one X-Wing doesnâ€™t beat a Star Destroyer. Even if itâ€™s mean.